A Garden For You.

SLike waves crashing on to the shore, your memories hit me with their fierce force at times and make me stumble under their unexpected onslaught. Though the frequency has lessened, the intensity has not. There are periods of times I happily go about my daily routine and then there are those dark moments that cast a shadow on everything bright, plunging the sun into the sea at noon. I dread this blackness, the sheer nothingness of it chokes me and I forget to breathe for a while.

The finality of your going away hits me, knowing there is no way you will be back with me in this lifetime scares me, makes me realize the severity of my loss and I can feel my heart sink to the bottom of my rib cage, collapsing with grief, deflated like a balloon with a tear.

I find your pretty white hair on the keyboard of my laptop you used to love scratching with your sharp nails and I forget to type. Walking into a room, I spy your favorite toy, the one your Didi had wanted to put with you in the incinerator but the man at the cemetery had refused citing some excuse and I can’t stop my tears from flowing down my cheeks.

Listening to the song that was playing on the radio during your last car ride to the hospital brings a smile to my face because you were there with me when I had heard it last but it also breaks my heart. I missed you so much today that I could think of nothing else; I had to hold you in my arms one last time so I opened the urn and held your ashes in my hands. Forgive me for this intrusion but it did help the panic subside.

Since your going away, there have been a lot of waking hours, unaccounted for from my days. I sit down to read a book but after a couple of hours I look down at the unopened book in my lap and wonder what’s the matter with me, or is it the clock’s fault for racing ahead of me.

After a month’s mourning I have started going to the park for my walk, late in the evenings. The first day was bad, I could manage only 15 minutes of strolling but after a week it has increased to 25 minutes. I have made a furry friend in the park, his name is Brownie. I talk to him about you, my Sparky baby, and he listens. He sits next to me on the lawn and lets me scratch behind his ears and on top of his head.

1I have converted the balcony into a mini garden in your memory and have planted a few indoor plants in containers. I talk to them and tell them stories about you, they seem to enjoy them because my garden looks green, bright and cheerful. You have made a decent gardener out of me, I no longer have black thumbs :)

1095724443By Sulekha Rawat

Unheard Screams

2015-05-13_00.14.50 I opened my mouth to scream but couldn’t even manage to utter a weak moan; I just stood there staring at my baby’s open eyes. She looked frozen in time, like a still portrait. The iron grip on my heart kept squeezing, forcing me to take deep gulps of tortured breaths, my eyes fixed firmly on her unmoving form. I can’t describe that feeling, it was as if the world had suddenly been stripped of all life, I felt alone and terrified, afraid of living without her sweet face to come home to, her unconditional love to soothe my heart and her loving touch to heal my soul.

RIP Sparky, please don’t be mad at me for my unending scream, I am trying to stop :(

Miss you…

bar_ww_badegeWordy Wednesday

This Week: Word Prompt

Scream

This week’s prompt comes from B-A-R member, writer and blogger,

Inderpreet Kaur Uppal, who blogs here.

Write a minimum of 100 words on the prompt.

Z At Last #AtoZChallenge

Welcome to my blog.

This is my fourth time at #AtoZChallenge and my theme this year is Sparky, my 11-year-old Dalmatian. You can read all about my theme here.

Adorable SheToday is the last day of this blogging challenge and I have had a wonderful time writing posts about my darling Sparky. I hope to compile all these posts and make an eBook, the title will be, Sparky, of course :)

I have shared stories about Sparky all April, I even dug out pictures from our old albums for my posts. There was an urgency in my writing as Sparky is very unwell and I wanted to make this memory with her, even though she can’t read at least she could feel my love and witness my emotions.

The letter of the day is Z and all I can think of is the assortment of stuffed toys we have at home for Sparky. Here is Sparky with her collection of animals, her own private zoo :)

Zoo

By Sulekha Rawat

Check out some other Bloggers participating in the challenge: AtoZ List 2015

And the Blog-A-Rhythm AtoZ posts featuring many prolific bloggers.

You and Me

Welcome to my blog.

This is my fourth time at #AtoZChallenge and my theme this year is Sparky, my 11-year-old Dalmatian. You can read all about my theme here.

Adorable SheHAIKU FOR SPARKY


You are my precious 

Mine to love and hold always

My guardian angel

SParky n momYou know everything 

All my smiles and all my tears

You and me are one

IMG_0597.JPG

By Sulekha Rawat

Check out some other Bloggers participating in the challenge: AtoZ List 2015

And the Blog-A-Rhythm AtoZ posts featuring many prolific bloggers.

‘Xmas’

Welcome to my blog.

This is my fourth time at #AtoZChallenge and my theme this year is Sparky, my 11-year-old Dalmatian.You can read all about my theme here.

Adorable She

Sparky has always loved Xmas, maybe because she came into our lives during this time. She was born on 7 November 2003 but we brought her home just before Christmas, so that she could stay with her mother and get the essential nourishment from her milk for at least 6-7 weeks. We have seen little puppies that are separated from their mothers before they are 4 weeks old, they look so sad and undernourished.

My daughter, Shloka, loves Christmas more than anyone else in our house. She insists on getting a tree every year and decorates the tree lovingly, she ropes in all of us in this activity, bless her sweet heart.

This year was special as my son, Kartik, was going far away from Delhi for two years to study Business Management, and this was the last Christmas we were all going to be together. Sparky’s failing health also was a concern, so we made a celebration out of decorating the tree.

Here are some of the pictures we took during decorating the tree and a few of Sparky with her new toy, ordered from flipkart by Shloka Didi :)

S Xmas S on Xmas SS Xmas SK Xmas KS Xmas 20141228_134927 S with toy Xmas

By Sulekha Rawat

Check out some other Bloggers participating in the challenge: AtoZ List 2015

And the Blog-A-Rhythm AtoZ posts featuring many prolific bloggers.

Why Do I Love Thee?

Welcome to my blog.

This is my fourth time at #AtoZChallenge and my theme this year is Sparky, my 11-year-old Dalmatian. You can read all about my theme here.

Adorable She

Why do I love thee?

A lifetime won’t be enough

Eternity won’t suffice

The words will fall short

When I try to tell you

What you mean to me

Do you not see

The joy you bring to me

How do you overlook

The waves of your love

Soaking my soul

blueusWhat can I do to show you

Your true value in my life

Leave me alone for a day

And see if I can survive

Your love keeps me happy

Your loyalty lets me sleep,

Peacefully at night

Man’s best friends

Are aplenty

You are,

My truest friend.

By Sulekha Rawat

Check out some other Bloggers participating in the challenge: AtoZ List 2015

And the Blog-A-Rhythm AtoZ posts featuring many prolific bloggers.

Vital

Welcome to my blog.

This is my fourth time at #AtoZChallenge and my theme this year is Sparky, my 11-year-old Dalmatian. You can read all about my theme here.

Adorable SheHAIKU FOR SPARKY

 

Veil of cheerfulness

Covers the pain and sorrow

My brave Sparky smiles

 

Very special She

My darling angel Sparky

Don’t ever leave me

 

Visage full of joy

Shields from us hurting insides

True warrior she.

By Sulekha Rawat

Check out some other Bloggers participating in the challenge: AtoZ List 2015

And the Blog-A-Rhythm AtoZ post featuring my post ‘VACANT’ :)

“Some days I think of a million things I could write about in my blog, but when I sit in front of my computer screen, I have nothing to say. My mind goes blank, vacant. I feel like a fraud, an imposter in a writer’s body. Aren’t writers supposed to be full of new and interesting ideas, ready to write up a storm at the drop of an ink drop from their eloquent pens?

Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead. ~Gene Fowler”… contd

Unconditional

Welcome to my blog.

This is my fourth time at #AtoZChallenge and my theme this year is Sparky, my 11-year-old Dalmatian. You can read all about my theme here.

Adorable SheUnconditional Love

 

Unconditional adoration showered on our hearts

Unstinting affection poured on our souls

Unmistakably we are her Moon and stars

Unquestionably she is our Universe.

 

Unhesitatingly she follows us everywhere

Uninhibited joy in every step

Unconcealed are her feelings for us

Unaltered her generous love

 

Unbridled her enthusiasm

Unrestrained her welcome dash

Unmasked her bark, happy

Unconditional love, thy name is Sparky.

 

By Sulekha Rawat

 

Check out some other Bloggers participating in the challenge: AtoZ List 2015

And the Blog-A-Rhythm AtoZ posts featuring many prolific bloggers.

The Avid Reader :)

Welcome to my blog.

This is my fourth time at #AtoZChallenge and my theme this year is Sparky, my 11-year-old Dalmatian. You can read all about my theme here.

Adorable SheI know Sparky cannot read, but it sure looks like she can :) And her eclectic taste in reading is reflected in her choices captured on camera here.

 FB_IMG_1429757454008reading Sparky reading the newspaper PaperBy Sulekha Rawat

Check out some other Bloggers participating in the challenge: AtoZ List 2015

And the Blog-A-Rhythm AtoZ posts featuring many prolific bloggers.

Snake in The House

Welcome to my blog.

This is my fourth time at #AtoZChallenge and my theme this year is Sparky, my 11-year-old Dalmatian. You can read all about my theme here.

Adorable SheThe letter of the day is S

Another story involving lots of people with their names starting with the letter S and their encounter with a Snake comes to mind.

Sparky has always been curious about everything around her, she has to sniff and smell everything that she encounters along the way. We might forget to stop and smell the roses in our hurry to reach from point A to B, but she takes her own sweet time doing the same :)

One day, Sparky was sharpening her snooping technique and sniffing sense by investigating the various nick-knacks kept in the long corridor of our house in Kochi. Shloka happened to see Sparky in action, going towards the door in a low crouch. Like a tiger cub hunting its prey.  Right outside the door was this coal Iron box (It was a family heirloom we had brought back from our ancestral house in Himachal Pradesh), and for a moment it seemed like she was merely mistaking it for a cat outside.

This is not the same snake :)

This is not the same snake :)

Sparky sniffed at the Iron box suspiciously, as if wary. She then  took a few steps back and then leapt up to pounce! Meanwhile, Shloka had managed to get a closer look at that oddly shaped shadow that Sparky seemed to be attacking, and realized that it was actually a slithering snake. She managed to reach Sparky in two bounds and scooped her up before turning around and running to our room yelling, ‘Snake, snake, snake snake snake!’

I was up on the bed, before Shloka rushed in with Sparky in her hands. We called up the admin office and they sent over someone to come and take the snake (a baby Viper, or Krait, I really don’t know), out of our house. The brave lady caught it while I stood on the chair and constantly admonished my kids to do the same. I believe she took it and released it on the banks of the channel running along our residential area.

I am glad Sparky has come away with a great adventure, safe and unharmed. I, myself, am petrified of snakes, but that is a story for another day. :)

By Sulekha Rawat

Check out some other Bloggers participating in the challenge: AtoZ List 2015

And the Blog-A-Rhythm AtoZ posts featuring many prolific bloggers.