There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. ~Josh Billings
SHOULD WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO HURT US?
Should we forgive those who hurt us? What if they approach us and apologize over and over again? I had read this somewhere when I was a kid and it had me confused then too: “Forgiveness is the noblest revenge”. So, according to this we are punishing the wrong doers by forgiving them. 🙂 Is this a good thing or bad?
When someone hurts me, that person is forgotten, not forgiven. I don’t waste any time overthinking and overanalysing the situation.
Those who try to cause me pain are painlessly extracted from my life and cast away. There is zero drama, at least from my side, and life is simpler.
A special haiku for you:
I will not forgive.
Will cast you aside pronto.
Forget you exist.
OR is it
“To err is human, to forgive divine”, what is this saying saying? 🙂 . No wonder people like me are confused. ‘To forgive, or not to forgive, that is the question’ (with due apologies to The Bard).
I am not perfect and am not embarrassed to admit it. We all deserve second chances, some even third. Mistakes happen unknowingly, we ought to forgive knowingly. That makes us better persons and there is a slight chance that the wrongdoer learns a valuable lesson in the bargain. I also dig the divinity angle here. 😇🙂
A special haiku for you:
Let us all be kind.
Forgive those who do us wrong.
Help them help themselves.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. ~William Arthur Ward
I have presented both sides of the arguments and would love to hear your views on the same.
Do you find it easy to forgive others?
Is it possible to forget the hurt and pain of treachery and betrayal?
Are we perceived as being weak when we forgive?
Hi Sulekha,
Thanks for this thought-provoking post. Honestly if you were to ask me, I find it easy to forgive and move on. I always believe in giving others a second chance. Life is too short to carry baggages or hold grudges. It’s just that everyone does not operate from this space, so it does get complex sometimes.
I will always forgive, but will take the lessons that come with the process of forgiving.
Hope this makes sense. Good to be on your blog. It’s been eons. How are you?
Hey Natasha, thanks for your lovely comment. I too believe in giving others a second and third chance 🙂 I have been away and my muse has deserted me too. Writer’s block had me captive but I have managed to escape. Hope to write more and interact with like minded writers and readers too.
It is interesting to note 2 sides of the argument. I take my more than sweet time to forgive those who have caused me pain. Whether I will ever interact with that person depends on the relation they have with me.
You are a softie too 🙂 Bottom line is that you forgive those who hurt you.Taking time to introspect and reflect on things is a good thing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me on this matter.
That’s food for thought Sulekha. I find it harder to forget than to forgive. That feeling of having being wronged lingers for a long time. Unless of course subsequent interactions clear the air completely, then I’m only too glad and relieved to put everything behind me. I cannot stand a strained environment.
Tulika, the hurt remains even after we forgive. Wouldn’t it be great if no one wronged the other and there was no need to forgive or forget? I wonder how I would react in such a situation. Thanks for your comment.
I dont forget or forgive easily as I am a very emotional person. For me trust and friendship are VERY important and I go the extra mile for people I care about. So if its someone who is dear to me who breaks my trust and hurts me, I find it very difficult to get over it.
People who dont matter to me, I forget rather than forgive and move forward from them.
I dont turn back to relationships gone sour as the trust is gone – If I cant trust the person, there is no point in polite platitudes as the other person takes it (has done it to me in the past) as they can do it again!!!
Loved reading the post from both ends Sulekha – thought provoking!
Shalini, ideally trust should never be broken and friends shouldn’t hurt friends. But we live in a world where anything is possible and we need to have our protective shields up to safeguard our emotions. If forgiveness makes us sleep better at night, so be it but if forgetting someone does the trick then it is fine too. I was thinking about this for a few days and decided to write a post about it. Thanks for your input.
Just like Shalini said above, I’m a very emotional person too and it takes me time to forgive or forget. As I grow older, I’ve learnt to forgive but forgetting doesn’t come easy to me.
Soumya, aren’t we all an emotional bunch :)? And let me tell you age doesn’t matter, it is one’s nature that makes these choices for them. Someone who can forgive others is a great friend to have.
Indeed a dilemma, Sulekha! I am no good at holding grudges, so I find it easier to forgive and forget. Still, the mind is a silly creature, it will trigger an alarm whenever the said offender comes face to face, making you wary of putting your trust in them again. Yes, very confusing!
Reminds me of this saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Thanks for helping me find solutions for this dilemma.
I think forgiveness is more for us than the other person. Only if we forgive can we let go and move on. If we don’t, we hold on to it and get resentful and bitter and it only hurts us. That said, it is a process. Depending on the deed, I can take time to forgive. Even after forgiving, I find it hard to forget – and definitely learn lessons from those experiences
Sanch, you are right. It is more for us than them. Forgiving someone takes time and a big heart.
Sulekha this is ine area I really need to work on. I take it too heart and often ponder over it makingmyself feel more bitter. Despite trying to forget it, I avoid the person to a large extent. Not sure if I am searching for some sort of solution by doind this.
Ramya, me too 🙂 We do avoid the person even after forgiving her/him. I think we try to protect ourselves from further hurt.