I have lived yet another month without you in my life, when will this heartbreak ever end. You have been gone for 13 months today and I am feeling a deep sense of loss. I hate number 8, it’s the date of my birth and of your passing away, every month I lose a bit of my heart on this day. I go slightly insane and quietly crazy, dare not anyone know or they might send me off to a Looney farm.

Nobody understands how I feel; no one sees my carefully concealed pain. Either I am a good actress or the world is blind, that they can’t see me grieving over you. They don’t see my panic when I suddenly realize that I will never be able to hug you again, feel your hand on my shoulder, never hear your loving voice, nor see your handsome face. I hate this feeling of helplessness which comes over me unexpectedly. Catches me unawares and singes my heart with its burning intensity.

Yesterday I received some great news and you would have been so proud of me, if only you could have heard it. I thought of you, missed you, wept over you and moved on like the other infidels. Shared my good news with my bestest friend but there was something missing, no one can take your place in my affections and heart but the pain does lessen when there is a soothing hand holding mine and giving me strength, a willing ear listening to the outpourings of my soul. Thank you god for my best friend. Amen.