Forgetfulness can be cute when you are young. Children forget to bring homework to school, forget to inform parents about a PTA meeting – all innocently. As we grow older, we tend to forget fewer things. It’s still cute when your partner forgets to bring a shawl or stole on your date and it’s peak winter. You love sharing your jacket with them.
Then comes middle-age. You forget your passport at home and only realise it once you’ve reached the airport. Not cute. You forget to pick up your wife at the mall. Not cute. She forgets to tell you about her plans to go out with friends. Not. Cute.
Old age brings its own problems. The stove is left on until long after the milk has evaporated and the steel vessel has turned black. Dangerous! You hand over the house keys to the driver and he looks at you surprised, are you giving your house to him as a gift? You then sheepishly fish the car keys out of your bag instead. The important document is in safekeeping, but you have forgotten where that safe place is, OMG . You recount your stories to the same people over and over again – mortifying. You forget the names of people you knew so well. Movie names, song lyrics, book titles… you start forgetting even the little things.
Some days you take your daily medicine for your thyroid condition, but after a while don’t remember whether you took it or not. Do you take another or wait for your mind to catch up?
You walk up to the refrigerator and open it to take out… what was it that you wanted to bring to the kitchen again? You open the overhead cupboard to get to the jar of almonds, ironically an excellent memory aid, and forget to close the door after, resulting in a painful bang to your head when you turn around. Forgetfulness is painful, isn’t it?
In a way, it is less painful than a lot of other life altering events. Like the memory of accompanying a loved one on their trip to the hospital for a PET scan. Or the visit to the oncologist’s office to discuss the various treatment options after. Immunotherapy and chemotherapy are terms I’d rather forget forever, but these treatments are the ones actually helping them in fighting cancer and defeating it. Somehow, doing your best to render support, even if only in the form of positivity and healing energy, isn’t something one can forget so easily.
Some days you forget that your father is no longer in this world. And you didn’t even get to say goodbye. You forget your regrets, your heartaches, and remain blissfully ignorant of your tragic life.
Forgetting is a blessing at times.
Let me forget it all.
‘Cancer does not have a face until it’s yours or someone you know.’ ~ Anthony Del Monte
Oh, Sulekha…tight hugs, my dear!
I hope and pray your loved ones feel better soon. I send healing vibes to you are your family.
True, forgetfulness, as we grow older, is so not cute. It’s not cute when your parents ask you two times, three times, where you live when you have just told them where you do. It’s not cute when they tell you the same things again and again. It is so disturbing and scary.
Shilpa, thank you so much for your love and wishes. I too hope and pray for him to get better soon. Seeing your loved ones suffering is heartbreaking. Hugs to you too friend.
Such a moving post, Sulekha! I cannot tell you how much of what you wrote is relatable to me! I’ve gone through it, and still going through it and have two octogenarians at home and one teenager who are all proof of all the things you’ve mentioned.
It’s tough as we get older but now I try to see humour in all the things that would once made me sad. It’s a terrain that is all too familiar, Sulekha and I guess there are many who will read your post and nod in agreement.
So lovely reading you after a long long time.
Esha, your kind words made me feel a little less sad about life at the moment. Thanks for visiting and leaving such a lovely comment.
What can one really say to a post like this! Sending you strength and prayers and hoping that the spirit I have always seen in you sees you through. Keep writing Sulekha.
Thanks Tulika. Writing helps in dealing with the pain and heartbreak. I hope I can stay regular in writing and sharing my thoughts and feelings with my well wishers and friends.
I’m in my late 30’s and half of the forgetfulness bits that you’ve listed are things I do often. This has made me complaint less about elders who repeat or forget things. Like, circle of life.
I lost one of my good friend to Cancer. I’ve lost a few people in the family to different types of Cancers. It’s never been easy or nice. It’s true that life is never the same when we’ve lost someone to Cancer. Every day that we are able to get up and do stuff is a blessing. Tight hugs and prayers to you, Sulekha.
Jayanthy, sorry for your loss and lots of healing love and light to you. Thanks for your kind words.
As a 30 year old I am already going through bouts of forgetfulness. I wonder if there’s a concoction of pills for a sharp mind.
Hugs and prayers for you and your family. I have memories of me crying in hospital halls that I truly wish to forget. Cancer is ugly but we humans are strong and resilient and we will not let it take away the beauty within us.
Raj, hugs to you too. Yes, we will face it and not let it beat our spirits.