If I had only a few days to live…….

When you remember your past, you regret a lot of things that you did wrong. The stand you didn’t take, the choices you made, the wrong turns you took on the highway of life, and the missed opportunities. In your bid to please everyone else you were dishonest with yourself, to keep others happy, you made yourself miserable. When your heart was breaking you pretended all was fine, because you didn’t want to create a scene and embarrass him, who was responsible for it all.

What I don’t regret is the unselfish love I nurtured in my heart for him and the euphoria of first love. My undying devotion and unflinching faith in his capacity to love me, my blind adoration and mute adulation. I have loved and lived and seen it all. Been there, done that and am ready to move on But, there always is a but, I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I behaved in a different manner. Been more vocal about my feelings and less concerned with the society’s?

So many things, I would have done differently. I would have rebelled against all and visited my Dad when he had asked me to. Listened to my heart and not my head, done what felt right to me and to hell with society. Loved unconditionally and lived fearlessly. I think I will do it now, it’s not over yet.

Why Me?

Tragic tales of two little girls who suffered physical abuse at a young age…in one case it was a stranger and in the other, a relative…Makes me sick hearing about such twisted people in our society…

 

Why ME?

Why did he single me out?
Why did he come after me?
Why do you think he followed me home?
Why did he grope me?

Did I invite his advances?
Was I bad, was I flirty?
Did I give him the come hither look?
Or was I dirty?

I feel unwashed even after a thousand showers,
I feel unclean even after changing my clothes,
Countless times.
I feel dirty in a spotless dress,
I feel trapped in this claustrophobic,
Vastness of shame and hurt,
Grief and pain.
I feel nothing.

***************

He was the enemy within the four walls,
Of our home.
He was a guest, a friend
of the family.
He turned out to be a louse.
He abused our hospitality,
And committed a heinous crime,
He cut the roots of the tender plant,
before its prime.
My confidence was betrayed,
I feel let down and undone.

He is a monster, a molester,
A demon, a fiend,
An atrocious and pathetic excuse,
for a human being.
A heartless thing.
He will suffer, he will pay,
He will rue the day,
He took the innocence,
Of a little girl away.
He will suffer, he will pay.

 

 

Sulekha Rawat